Standing in the Fire

It began with a heartfelt plea to the Man:

This year I will be of greater service to the community if I can just get a ticket.

It’s true. I hadn’t seriously considered volunteering until mid-summer, when a ticket to Burning Man didn’t materialize during the main sale. The OMG sale would eventually prove to be just as fruitless, but I didn’t know that at the time. Meditating on the situation, I felt I was going to have to exert some serious Mojo in order to attend; the Man was upping the ante. However, in looking back, I couldn’t have imagined what serious magic I was about to invoke.

In my spiritual tradition, when doing magic to obtain a goal, part of the mindset required for fruition is to proceed as though the goal has already been attained. To that end, my partner and I began all of our normal preparations anyway. However, I decided to put a little something additional on the line: volunteer.

Of course, looking over the list of possible options, Temple Guardian immediately stuck out for me, as I suspect it did for many of us that first time. In the default world, I am also a healer and spirit worker; guardianship of sacred space is what I do. Having a profound experience at the Temple of Wholyness in 2013 also played a part in my decision making process. Indeed, my only regret from last year was in not staying for the Temple Burn. Volunteering as a Temple Guardian took on a special significance though, as I pondered what it would be like to provide that kind of service for a community of 65,000+!

During Training, we were told our responsibilities are:

1. Hold the sacred space of the Temple; and
2. Preserve the safety of the Temple and the participants who visit it.

That’s it.

True to form for Burning Man, this year’s Temple experience went far deeper than I ever dreamed. Friday night and Saturday morning were relatively quiet as far as the shifts themselves went. And although I was prepared for Sunday to be a completely different experience, how could I know it would touch, hurt and comfort me as deeply as it would?

As many would be that Sunday morning, I too was quite surprised when checking in for my shift to learn that the Temple was already closed. In talking to folks in the courtyard, and later at the gate, I was confronted with varying degrees of disappointment and sadness in hearing the news. A small few of the extremely devastated would be invited in last-minute by none other than David himself, the man who was responsible for this year’s Temple design. One couple was not.

She had lost her baby earlier in the year. She didn’t say how, nor did her husband go into a detailed story about why they hadn’t yet made time for the Temple. I can imagine how hard it must have been to even think about it, knowing that the journey must be made anyway. He was stricken, looking past me into the Temple itself. However, she looked directly at me, hearing the words that I had to say, knowing that it was now too late. I met her gaze and offered her the only thing I had in my power to offer her, my open arms. She hesitated ever so slightly, but as she came in for an embrace, I took all of the hours I had spent wandering the courtyard and inside the Temple itself, all of the tears I had personally shed for my own loved ones, all of the memories of witnessing our community members who were meditating/laughing/tearful, all of the visions of the heart-wrenching tributes left behind, and offered them to her for her lost child. He came over too, and together, we sobbed for all of the things that couldn’t be. We stood in the fire together, at the Gate of the Temple.

Later that evening, taking the collective gasp along with thousands of others at the sight of the majestic structure spiraling down to its end, my inner walls would finally come crashing down at the gentle touch of a baby’s breath.

Blessings

Chronicle: Burning Man Now “Mainstream”

Chronicle: Burning Man Now “Mainstream”.

“E” is for Entheogen: A Key to Unlock the Door

Emergence

I understand that this topic may be somewhat provocative. There are many schools of thought about spirituality and the use of psychoactive substances. This post isn’t here to convert you or even to shift your thinking; I’m just writing what I know. The only thing I will say is that if you are called to explore this path, do so with equal amounts of curiosity and caution. Folks, this kind of work is not for beginners and will eventually force you to face deep aspects of your Self. Parts that will resist scrutiny. If this work calls to you, explore your community to find an experienced guide for your journey. It will be worth the effort.

I can remember very clearly the first time I experienced trance with the help of a plant ally. While still living in Austin, I worked with a beautiful spirit named Liz. She is an artist and Healer of incredible grace. We were able to talk about many aspects of spirituality in an open, honest way. When she felt the time was right, she introduced me to a man that she had been working with for some time, a bodyworker who healed with the help of the plant spirit of ganja, or marijuana.  I received the most intense massage session ever that day. Now, I had smoked pot before, but always in a very recreational way. The work began that day opened me to a completely new experience, one that I credit as the foundation for my spiritual Journey. A spiritual 2 x 4, if you will.

My session opened with a short check-in and space for questions. Instead of asking if I had any particular issues or problems to work on, I was encouraged to simply let go and allow the plant to do its work. One of my Brother Initiates of the Unnamed Path shared a story about using an entheogen to ask for answers about a life issue he was having. While the experience was a success, he reported that the journey continued long after he had his answer, with much unpleasantness. Personally, I do not feel that searching for specific information is suited for working with an entheogenic plant spirit guide. Rather, I encourage the journeyer to simply open to the wisdom of the plant teacher. It basically has you until IT is ready to let you go.

For much of the massage, I remember seeing a vast, forested valley, with sunlight streaming down on me through the clouds. I believe this vision expanded my capacity to Listen and to communicate with other allies, including animals, plants and spirits. However, it would be many years, and a move from Texas to California, before I understood what that meant.

During some of my earliest shamanic studies, I became acquainted with two Healers, a couple. I first met them when they were still teaching drum-making workshops. Yes, I would complete work on a healing tool that I still use, a 15-inch hide drum. Little did I know that the two instructors also introduced others to working with entheogenic helpers. About five years after that initial meeting, I would be reintroduced to my Teachers in a very different context.

A long-time friend of mine asked me if I would be interested in working with psychoactives in a ritual way. I recalled my Austin experience and agreed immediately. He was assisting two shamans who used plant medicines for deeply transformative work, and I was highly intrigued. My friend was also very involved in spiritual work for gay men, and had arranged for the teachers to meet with a circle of sacred brothers. I later leaned that the Teachers worked with varied groups all over the world, but sitting in meditation with other Men Who Love Men holds particular fascination for me. Cue Too Wong Foo:

Sometimes, it just takes a Fairy.

Ultimately, the experience, and the subsequent work I completed, changed the foundational ideas I hold about the nature of the Universe. In my visions, I see geometric patterns of light, hear crystalline sounds that echo the Creation, and experience an overall sense of floating in a singularity/white hole, energy moving in and out my center. I saw this video recently and was reminded of the visuals. You’re next thought may sound something like, “But aren’t those just hallucinations?” Perhaps. However, the expanded awareness and creativity that have manifested in my own life tell a different story. I feel that I have come to understand what the Ancients have always known: plant spirit allies can help unlock doors inside ourselves. What you are shown on the other side is between you and Spirit, but I know now that the plant allies WANT to help us open our eyes and truly see the connections that exist between all things. They call for us to return to our place in the global circle of life instead of destroying everything in our path. As they encourage, the plant helpers also show us “tough love,” forcing us to confront the deeply held secrets that fester in the dark. It’s a difficult road to walk but the benefits are many. For more information about psychoactive substances visit erowid.org. You decide.

Blessings

“C” is for Conference: PantheaCon 2014

Oh PantheaCon, how I love you, let me count the ways.

If you haven’t yet attended PantheaCon, let me urge you to do so right away! Move heaven and earth if you have to but please join us.

Living in the Bay Area for seven years, I kept hearing through various circles about the annual gathering of Pagans known as PantheaCon (PCon). Every year, thousands of my kin descend upon the DoubleTree hotel in San Jose, CA. There, we meet new friends, network with old ones, expose ourselves to traditions and techniques outside of our personal paradigms and participate together in some of the most intense spiritual rituals. As with most things, you will benefit in proportion to what you put into it, but there is generally something there for everyone. According to the presenters:

We are a conference for Pagans, Heathens, Indigenous Non-European and many of diverse beliefs that occurs annually over President’s Day weekend. Well over 2000 people attend more than 200 presentations that range from rituals to workshops and from classes to concerts.

While I could go into great detail about the Con as a whole, I would like to share my personal experiences from the latest incarnation of this amazing event.

You may remember that I posted previously about the death of my spiritual teacher, Eddy Gutiérrez, aka Hyperion, which occurred this past January. Since then, my fellow Initiates in the Unnamed Path have been holding space for each other on a daily basis in an online presence via Facebook. Not all of us were able to attend the conference this year, but for those who could, PCon provided us with an in-person opportunity to share our collective grief and plan for the future of our tradition.

For the past two years, Eddy was approved by PCon’s Programming Committee to present rituals from our Path. This year was to be a return of our highly successful Circle of Bones, a spirit contact circle. Check out the link for more about our sacred holidays. With Eddy’s passing, the community banded together and decided instead to hold a memorial and Circle of Light, a ritual in which Initiates offer energy healing, one of the four parts of our path, to the community. Many, who were unable to attend the funeral services, stood up and offered words of tribute to a man who’s work touched their hearts.

Memories were shared and many tears flowed. However, I was most humbled by how my fellow Initiates stepped up to the challenge of leading ritual space in Eddy’s absence. Everyone contributed to the work, but I am especially grateful to David S. who came up with the ritual’s framework, one that needed few tweaks. Participants later shared with me about the power of seeing all of us perform our circle casting in unison. I feel pretty sure that we did Eddy proud.

This year, PCon was much more about fellowship than ever before. Due to our various locations across the country, it is difficult to have all the Brothers together in one place. The Con provided the perfect backdrop for our continued grief, and many other traditions expressed their deep sorrow over the loss of such a powerful voice in our community. Indeed, I and my fellow Brothers felt very held by the community at large. We began  dialogues with other traditions to find out how we can support each other. To T. Thorn Coyle, Storm Faerywolf, Orion Foxwood, Christopher Penczak and many others, we are forever grateful.

Among the myriad happenings, one other stood out in stark relief: Taking of the Veil, a ritual led by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. According to their website, the Sisters “use humor and irreverent wit to expose the forces of bigotry, complacency and guilt that chain the human spirit.” While I have seen firsthand the generosity of these men and women, who work tirelessly to enrich the LGBTQ community, I had not yet been fortunate enough to witness to power of their Priesthood. They may be known at large as nuns or Sisters, but these individuals are deeply in touch with their Inner Power, and I could only marvel at the power and majesty that was revealed.  I am in debt to Sisters Krissy Fiction and Dirrtie San Chez for their puissance.

Finally, I must take a moment to honor my new Mom, Vicky G. Vicky is Eddy’s mother and she has embraced me and my fellow Initiates as her own sons. She attended PCon this year for the first time, after acquiescing to Eddy’s repeated requests. I know it was a bittersweet time for her, but like everything in life, she jumped in and allowed the spirit to move her with abandon. It was truly an honor to have her witness rites of the Unnamed Path, the legacy left behind by Eddy.

This year was a first for me, as I let go of the need to attend a session during each time slot. More important was the time that I spent in the company of like-minded, yet fully individual souls who are pursuing their own unique paths to Spirit. Namaste my Brothers and Sisters.

Blessings

“D” is for Dancing (Put on your Boogie Shoes)

I choose to write this week about Dancing. Now you might wonder what this has to do with shamanism, but it is a tried and true technique for accessing inner power and for reaching the shamanic worlds.

I’ve always enjoyed music: I played musical instruments in school and I taught myself to sing. Both pursuits bring me a great deal of joy, but especially singing because I feel I am creating an energetic vibration with no props, just me. However, my love for music took an incredible turn when I turned 21. I walked into my first my gay bar and as they say, “the rest is history.” Talk about a rite of passage! There on the bar, just inside the entrance, was a vision of manhood, dancing his ass off to excellent music. I remember thinking, “I have arrived.”

There were of course many “firsts” that night, but the biggest takeaway, one that still resonates at a high level, is moving my body. The more tribal the beat, the better. This may sound a little crazy but it was as if my body knew what to do on an instinctual level. Granted, I already had an outstanding sense of rhythm, but even back then, I understood that I could enter a state of altered consciousness just by letting my Self go, allowing the DJ to take me on journey into my inner landscape. I would close my eyes and dance for hours, transported to a magical world that I could feel was shared by everyone around me. So what is it about body movement that causes such a shift?

Dancing has been a path to the sacred since before the dim and misty. From the earliest times, cultures the world over recognized the special power that dance holds over our bodies. There’s something primal that gets activated through dance. My brain shuts down and the active chatter of ordinary consciousness flows away, allowing me to connect deeply with my divine spark. When I touch that, I touch the Gods.

Dance is a very potent and expressive Art. Through ritual dance, the observer can catch a glimpse of the natural world and states of being. The performer learns how to tap into the very essence of animals, plants, stars, birth and death.

Because our minds can become more still, dancing allows us to feel our emotions in a much deeper way. Joy, Hatred, Ecstasy and Despair are given creative expression in a ritualized context, which can free us from the old fears such as “Am I good enough?”. The wise men and women of old recognized this unique characteristic, this ability to embody something outside of ourselves, and used it to heal our broken spirits. They would ask:

When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories? When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence? ~Gabrielle Roth

I have both laughed and cried on the dance floor, swept up by the music until the raw feelings just come pouring out. Cher sings in The Music’s No Good Without You, “I pray that a DJ will lift my Heart.” Indeed. I recently chatted with a DJ from Los Angeles, Ryan Jones, who said that he was once told to “find the God in your work.” He understands his role in helping us to pray while celebrating the joys of being alive. Check out his Soundcloud to listen to what I mean.

My favorite poem by Jewel Mathieson said it best:

WE have come to be danced
not the nice invisible, self conscious shuffle
but the matted hair flying, voodoo mama
shaman shakin’ ancient bones dance
the strip us from our casings, return our wings
sharpen our claws & tongues dance
the shed dead cells and slip into
the luminous skin of love dance

Through dance, we can access our most hidden aspects, the parts of us which do not always wish to come to light. For those who follow the Unnamed Path, we know that this “shadow” work, which I will touch upon more in a future post, is essential to to finding our true power. At my Initiation, I used dance as the vehicle to open me up to deep possessory work, allowing my patron deity to “ride” me into ecstasy. Easily the most advanced technique that we work with, possession would not have been possible if I had not been able to shake things loose through dance. I simply could not wrap my brain around such a working, but my body knew instinctively what to do.

You don’t have to aspire to a possessory experience to reap the shamanic benefits of dancing. The next time you are feeling called to expand your mind via meditation or journeying, try warming up first with some dancing. Put on some good music and let your body move! Alternatively, find out if a Sunday T-Dance is still happening in your area. If I happen to see you out on the dance floor, I’ll not only be gyrating like crazy, I’ll also be channeling energy to the crowd, a fun exercise that Eddy taught me. Together, we can let our hair down and do that “shaman shakin’ ancient bones dance”. No one else has to know. But we will.

Blessings

Pagan Blog Project – Drums

Pagan Blog Project – Drums.

With eyes wide open

“If we knew that tonight we were going to go blind, we would take a longing, last real look at every blade of grass, every cloud formation, every speck of dust, every rainbow, raindrop–everything.”
— Pema Chödrön